I miss home...my home

I have no home...My mom doesn't count.

I had a home... with a basement and a garage and a yard and an address.

Now I have a room and sleep with Dennis in dramatic village half the week.

I had a bed...that we both slept in and could watch TV and fall asleep with or without it together.
We could be as loud as we wanted and did whatever and said whatever we damned well pleased.

I had a kitchen...where I cooked meals for the both of us. I didn't have to be criticized for not cooking like someone else. I kept me and Dennis ALIVE for 6 yrs. Or being quiet trying to cook a meal or on occasion someone eating my shit.

I was a free adult, 28 yrs. old taking care of my self. I am an independent woman all the way.

I hate that I have to deal with anyones bullshit at any time. I didn't have to do that in my home, my safe place.

It hasn't truly hit me that this is real, this is my life now. For now.

Future=Who knows I have to create it. I would rather curl up into a ball and rock myself to sleep. Before I do that. I am grateful for having it good at my moms. i was expecting the worst.

Question=What the hell happened to me? i have been hit my a train. Can I come back from all of this? Why do good people get screwed. I have just tried to be a good person and be a good girlfriend/fiance a good everything to everyone. My cards didn't fall into place and it may take time but it will happen.

I want so many years back. Even back into kid days. I want them all back, just like wishes on "Goonies". i want a do over. i want things to be different. I want my parents happy, together and never had to deal with the hurtful things that came with living in Wilmington. And there were alot.

I wonder what it would be like? But that is living in the past. So I am thinking and I am crying, thinking about the song "Our House"

"Our house was a very very very fine house"

I had a house...I had a life...

Whether it be as a kid or as an adult. It was taken away from me both times.

-I know this is long but these are raw emotions that are rarely all let out. I wrote this on paper the other night at Dennis parents house, I was just fed up with everything triggered by his mother.

Please understand I am aware that things can be worse, these are just my feelings and emotions.