I thought I posted yesterday???

Whatever. So its early and cold out. I am glad that I am not outside.

I had to put gas in my car, I didn't want any gas line problems. My car was cold today. I think it wanted to say "are you kidding me" It was a little hesitant to start.

I am planning on trying to zone out. I have many thoughts going through my head about people in my life. I beginning to think this is normal for the last day of my period. All of the things that I store away in the back of my head come back for two days. I don't like it but it just means I will have to deal with stuff soon.

I will be here until 9:00, I think, Making my time up. The alarm went off but I was happy sleeping in my warm bed.

I need to look up ideas for my camp

I hope I can find a good movie to watch too.

Awesome...I just figured out...

my underwear are on inside out. I must be out of it today. I have also been to the bathroom 4 times and never noticed it. What the F.

So they will stay that way, until I get home.

Just some useless info to brighten your days.

Tired...need nap

I am tired. I could so take a nap. I have a couple of hours to go.

I have been searching the internet and it is boring me even more. I will probably try to watch something to keep my attention. I am talking to Jacki right now, still yawning. This is normal for today. I wish there is something I could do to help. I ate the oreos and drank coke. Hmmm.

I found a chocolate covered graham cracker, hooray.....sugar!!!!!!

I am now waking up a little.

Lunch time

Egg salad sandwich

BBQ chips

Choclate pudding

I am not in the mood for it today, but I need to eat.

Hopefully No one will bother me, Yeah right.

I need my daily update of smut on E online.

Bye.

morning morning

Hello everyone. Just here eating my oatmeal, hoping that I won't hurt anyone today. This is quiet day. You all know this by now. Pretty much don't mess with me becuase I have no patience for the stupid things.

I have been trying to write this all morning. So I am tired. I slept but had the wierdest dream.
Get this:

It is 7:50am I am supposed to wake up. So I get out of bed and go into the living room. For some reason I open the front door. It is really bright out side and lots of noise. I see this navy colored van and quickly I close the front door. I am afraid of this van for some reason. Now as I go to the bedroom I always look at the basement light switch, it was on, it is suppossed to be off. I am now starting to realize I am still in a dream. Freaky huh. I used to get these years ago and I hate them. Because now I want out of this dream. So I go back into the bedroom knowing this. So I try to go back to sleep so I can come out of the dream. It is not working because the people in the van are in front of my bedroom window and I don't want them to see me. There is also an extra window behind my bed and it is really sunny out. This is freaking me out because I am done being stuck in this dream.
So the next thing I do is weird but I did it in the past when I had these dreams. I try to slap my self. But I hand is moving too slow. So Thank you alarm clock. As soon as it went off I came out of this stupid dream.

So I talked to Sarah and she doesn't have dreams like this. Does anyone have dreams like these?

My new blog...

Is SU!'s new paper Berry Bliss see below. I just made my trades out of these colors and have the class with the paper on Wed. I really like this color combo right now. I will probably get sick of it by next week. So enjoy it while its around.

New week...

Sorry about the earlier blog wow I was pissed huh.

I am here at work and today went well.

I called security first thing in the morning and they said that Friday I was not hit. It did n't say anything about Sat or Wed. So I asked them to check the tapes for those days. We'll see.

Other than the random stupid questions that I get asked during the day, I am doing pretty well for my period week. I have to bring my food to work until I get paid again. Its not so bad, as long as I remember to make it.

I was able to get groceries for 2 weeks off of 28.00, I am getting too good at this. This whole bugdet thing. I would rather spend my usual amount, one of these days.

I also got a bunch of errands done on budget. Because you need toliet paper and paper towel.

On Sunday me and Jacki worked on our trades for our Monday meeting, we kicked ass. She is finished and I have to assemble a couple more pieces. I have a order coming in Friday so I can mess around with the stuff before my Wed. class. Thats good.

I really hope this week goes by fast, today is already over. I just have an hour left. I'll find something to do.

I balance my checkbook today, I haven't had it all written down for a month, thats a lot of writing. I got rid of all of my reciepts and stuff that needed to be shredded. I even clen all of the paper work out of my purse. On lunch I cleaned out the garbage in my car. I am in a cleaning mood. I don't want to deal with the clutter.

So that is my random thoughts, see ya

You have got to be fucking kidding me...explicit

I got to work at 8:15. Went up to my car at 9:30 because I forgot my make-up bag.

What do I find, but a fucking dent in trunk. What the FUCK!!!! Are you reaLLY FUCKING SERIOUS. My car is a fucking target or something. So because I guess I am used to accidents my car is in by now. I was just in a little bit of shock. Tried to remember when I saw my trunk last. I don't think it happened today. Its not the right angle.

So I cussed a little when explaining it to co-workers. Then I called and spoke to security. I know they(casino) can't compensate me. But if someone hit and ran my mother fucking car I hope to god it is on tape, please, please be on tape so I can report your stupid fucking ass you mother fucking idiot. Hit and run is not a good thing on your insurance thats if you even have fucking insurance. I hope I get a license plate, are you fucking stupid there are cameras all around the garage. All we need is what your stupid car looks like. And surely we can find your license plate or even your fucking players card.

I really don't know where else my car would of been hit. I am trying to remember.

Thurs: Came to work parked on 4th floor. I remember parking next to Nasty a girl at work. I left briefly at 2:00ish to go to bank. Came back and parked back on 4th floor. I can't remember what side. I wouldn't of been in range to see the back of my car. And I leave its dark.

Fri: Came into work parked on the 4th floor again. This time I didn't leave at all. From 9:00 to 8:45 I didn't leave. Again I wouldn't of seen the back of my car.

Sat: I happen to park on the opposite side, so when I got off of the elevator this morning I was directly behind my car. And saw the big old wanker. Fucking Nice by the way.

I am so trying to be calm. I will be upset if its not on camera. Otherwise I don't know what the fuck I am going to do. I would have to talk to my insurance agent about it.
All I want to know is why. Why is this car a damn target for accidents.
I mean, have dings and huge dings in my door from idiotic fucking people who need to have some respect when opening doors.

I have a badly scratched up front bumper from Sarah before I got the car.

I have a scratched up bumper from an rear end accident on the highway. I only had the car a couple of months, that also caused the bumper to rattle, the psycho bitch didn't have insurance.

I have a huge dent on the left side passenger door. They somehow found me liable. So I got to pay for there damage too. Awesome. Oh and my alignment has been shit since then, it has just gotten worse.

Now I have a huge fucking dent in my trunk, it was a white car or problem some asshole or bitch in a stupid ass SUV. It is pretty high on my trunk. My bumper wasn't even touched.

So where do I park now. Everywhere I park there is a problem. I was joking with a co-worker and all that is left is my hood, is someone going to fall out of the sky and dent it. Maybe a bird or squirrel.

I am okay. I am not yelling out loud or anything. I have learned to stay calm. Thats all that I can do.
It helps to vent it out here first.

I am just trying to figure out who to call. HMMM probably Jacki she should be up.

Bye have a wonderful dent free day.

Out of it

I am out of it today. I hate just being at work anymore. Even if there is nothing to do or crazy going on. I seriously do not have enough time in a week or persay my days off to get everything I want accomplished.

On my time off I was busy though.

Sunday: Woke up early(for me) drove to Channahon to drop an order off at a customers house. Visited Dennis parents for a couple of hours. Then went to my moms for dinner. I told myself to leave after dinner so I could get my errands done. Didn't happen. I printed some ideas up for SU! but thats about it. I did go and see my brothers new place. He moved in with his new girfriend. I didn't leave my moms until 9:00. Sucky but I got a free meal out of it.

Monday: I knew this day was going to be long. I had to wake up early to do some last minute shopping for Jacki. I got ready and drove to Channahon( if I knew this the day before I wouldn't of dropped off the order, but oh well) We did our X-mas. She got me some fun monkey footies that I love and a Greys Anatomy magazine I can't wait to read it I just haven't had time. I also got some other fun stuff. I got her a maternity shirt, that I was so glad that fit and she liked it so much she wore it all day. I also got her some other fun stuff.
We were off...
Starbucks - yummy drinks to start the day

Scrapbook Nook - drop off order

Ikea - first time for ne. I was in awe of all of the cool stuff- We went for jar and left with some more than that. We were there for awhile.

Buffalo Wild Wings - to kill time and eat before Diva Night. Server was stupid.

Diva Night - We get together at Connies house(our manager) and make fun projects. We had a good time. Afterwards we talked and had fun. We left late and got back to her house late. I didn't leave until 2:00am, just talking to her and Ed. I went to bed pretty late.


Tuesday - This was me and Dennis day. We didn't wake up until 1:00pm. We both got ready. I cleaned up the house. Then we went to Chilis, we had a gift card from my mom. We had a good meal. We ran some errands then vegged for the rest of the night.

Wednesday - I had to get camp together. I had to spiral bound my catalog and get a marker from Sarah. I was able to get my camp done and ready in time. Everyone came and I had a good camp. Watched TV ate McDonalds and went to bed.

Thats it. I wish I had more time.

More old pics.. aren't we cute

Unprotected Sleep...its so true

I heard about this from Jacki and searched it and found a definition in the urban dictionary.

unprotected sleep:

Turning off your alarm clock, whether consciously or unconsciously, and falling back asleep, sometimes causing you to be late for your work, school, test and/or exam, doctors appointment, or any other task that is of importance.

90% of the time I am unconsciously doing this. It is so weird. But my sleeping mind tells me its okay to turn off the alarm or reset the alarm or just hit it for an hour.

Today I woke up found that I had been hitting snooze for at least a half an hour, not knowing.
Then I decide to turn off the alarm and get up. Well I turned the alarm off but never got up. So I wake up around 7:00 ish and start adding my hours for the day. This gets me in trouble I am too tired to figure this out so at 8:15 the time I should be walking out the door I roll out of bed, why, because I thought I still had an hour. What the hell.

This has been happening for awhile, my biggest reason for not jumping out of bed is, if I move around too fast I get a horrible stomachache and late for other reasons. I hate that I have a sensitive stomach.

I also am so dead tired when waking up. I just want to sleep. I work these horrible stupid hours. so I really don't get much sleep. I love my sleep.

-"If people were meant to pop out of bed we'd all sleep in toasters". -Garfield comic
I have this stuck to my desk.

Things that make me happy...

1. Love, being loved and loving someone else.

2. Food, mmm. I love food it makes my tummy happy which in turn makes me happy.
Best food right now is Cheescake Factory's "Navajo" love it.

3. Laughing, I love to laugh and joke around. I can usually turn anything funny.

4. Goofing off. This make me do number 3. I am a goof ball and don't care who sees sometimes.

5. Cussing, this is offensive to some people, but it make me happy, why i don't know. But my sentences definatly use them.

6. Family, without the drama. We all laugh so hard sometimes over the stupidest stuff. I absolutly hate the drama though.

7. Mia, Angel, and Bailey. The fact that they know who I am and talk to me is so cool. Well Mia is starting to talk. I don't know why it is so surprising to me. But it makes me feel good that I am something in their lives. And they have no idea that they are doing that.

8. People watching, me and sarah do this. We should have a show like Joan and Melissa Rivers. We don't do this to make our selves feel any prettier. We just like to comment on fashion good or bad.

9. Having control, not psycho control, just being a leader, doing my own thing.

10. My attitude, I would not be me without it, I would be pretty bland, which I have been feeling lately. It is me, comes with the territory.

Made my decision

I am not living my life for anyone anymore. This pertains to everyone. I really don't know why I have been blinded for the last year or two. With people making me feel like lesser than a person. I said changes would be made and back to the old me I am going. I need to just live my life to the fullest. I guess that is a resolution for the year. A lot of changes and major things are going to happen this year. I can't put a grasp on them now because they are too big. But I wish everyone would realize that everyone in the world is different. We all have our flaws, we all make decisions in their own way, and just because someone doesn't react in the same manner that you do, doesn't make them a bad person. I need to rise above. Whatever talk about me, no one truly knows me so I'm over it. Not even family. God I have felt like garbage and mush and fuck that shit I am done. So I am glad to have a goal of some sort I guess.

I woke up happy and listened to the radio someone was talking about something that triggered all of this.

I am done with this job, i know that much, fuck these people, including my boss. I am so close to losing my mind with him. And when and if I do. He will be all pouting and shit. Its a new year fuckers and I am off to go on with my life. I can't believe he had the nerve to call me a "lifer" in your fucking dreams. This place will be interesting when I am gone. i don't know what i am looking for or how hard it is going to be to find another job that pays more than here. But it is a another goal I would like to accomplish.

I think it is this place but my chest hurts and is a little tight, just stress. I don't want to feel it. I want to just chill out and be left alone to my thoughts.

I really can't wait for lunch, I am definitely leaving. I need time to think everything out. I will try to do that on my days off.

What the F AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

How many times is this gonna happen before my head literally explodes.

Stop spraying my mother fucking desk with endust.
I just fucking cleaned my desk yesterday. I go to the fucking bathroom for 3 seconds and I come back to a greasy ass desk. Mother Fucker. Can you tell I am just a little pissed off. I want to clean the nasty off of my desk, but they are in here still.

Another thing, take the perfume down a couple of notched. I really don't want to be mean, but can you smell at all. Did you bath in it before you came in.


So this is about 30 mins later. I feel better not so crazy. I asked by boss to tell them only to do the floors and garbage. Thank god. I mean taking the vaccum extension to all of our computer lines and connection to the casino. Not a good idea. They just went a little overboard. I appreciate the effort. Wheww.

Now back to work.

Happy New Year

It really just feels like another day to me. Everyone has their resolutions that usually never make it past the first month. But they always sound good...right.

I don't think its a bad thing to start your year off fresh. But I am alreasy sick of the commercials for losing weight. I am actually glad I cancelled mine. Everyone and their mom signs up and you can't get a machine if you wanted. So If I sign up again it won't be for awhile.

Me and Dennis spent New Years Eve together at home and I got really drunk. I don't really drink much, but I had a couple too many rum and cokes. Its pretty bad when you throw up at the end of the night. We did have alot of fun though. I had an urge to run into the snow from the garage in my bare feet and scraped up two of my toes, ouch. I broke a glass against the recliner, unsure of how I did that. It was dark though. Oh and the next day did I feel like shit. I threw up four times. I laid on the couch all day. I am done drinking for the year. I am figuring out that I am not 21 anymore, but I did enjoy trying to feel that young, minus all of the bad things.

So I have no resolutions as of yet. It has been a crazy year and its not worth going into and I am glad it is over.

I did some fun things: Like skiing for the first time, trip to Champaign for Stampin up, Saw Drew Davis in concert a couple of times (first country music show), Mia's 1st birthday, met Derek Lee, Trip to Long Grove with the girls, Took a long vacation for my birthday had fun with many people.



This year has a lot to bring but I live day by day for now. Don't want to overload myself.